Playhouse Disney Shuffle

Since Playhouse Disney doesn't run commercials per se, it uses the five or ten minutes between shows to run those shorts that we love so much and also to plug itself.

One of the filler non-ads is Project Playtime.

The wiz kids at The Disney Channel have come up with little arts and crafts projects that cross-promote whatever DVD is being let out of The Vault (Lady and the Tramp, Cinderella, etc).

What cracks me up is that the voiceover always says, "With just a few basic household items you can make [insert craft project here]." Then, the voiceover goes on to say, "All you'll need is an old sock, yarn, pipe cleaners, buttons, markers, rubber bands, felt, wax paper, a glue gun, construction paper, ocean shells, cream of tartar, a live hamster and eagle feathers."

Seriously, the list is as long as a kid's arm, and they go way beyond "basic household items." I know that Disney is always going to be looking for new ways to plug old movies, but I think they need to get some more creative, industrious minds on Project Playtime.

Think MacGyver. Four items per project. Real basic household items like old dishrags, paper plates and newspapers. No glitter, paint, etc - not everyone has a closet full of craft supplies.

Why is it that the Playhouse Disney shorts capture our attention so much?

This morning I was in the bathroom and I heard the theme music for something called 'Feeling Good with JoJo.' And then I heard JoJo say, "Hi! How are you? I'm JoJo. My pet lion Goliath and I are going to teach you how to do some things with your body that will make you feel good inside and out."

And I thought, Wow, Playhouse Disney is going to teach my kid to masturbate?

But, no. It turns out they were just teaching yoga moves!

I know they're only part of the very good and enjoyable Breakfast with Bear, but the Wiggles get on my last nerve with their TV-network-themed show.











Greg, Anthony, Jeff and the forgettable guy were only mildly annoying the Wiggles-World-themed show, but Playhouse Disney's current offering - even though it's old news by Australia's standards - feels like a cross between the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

















and that Brady Bunch episode where the kids sang in that talent show.

I don't like it, and I wish Playhouse Disney would just plug more Lola into the hour. Or better yet, more Bear!

I don't know where Genevieve and the Choo Choo Soul went, but I'm so much happier to see Dan Zanes getting a few minutes of air time on the Playhouse. Seriously, I don't know whether it's the kooky hair or the bright suits or the indie-video feel of the shorts, but he is pretty charming. And Petunia likes him, too.

This morning, we were treated to Catch That Train!, and it sounded like something Basil and I would listen to on our own, some lazy summer Saturday. It had almost a Van Morrison feel to it.

I think I see a new CD in our future.

The Little Einsteins are a teeny bit yuppie for my taste, but I do like them on the whole. I especially like the fact that they expose Petunia to famous pieces of classical music, even if Annie's made-up lyrics are often pretty lame. (For good made-up lyrics, I recommend the Beethoven's Wig series.)

One of my PET PEEVES, however, is that they recycle music too much (in addition to having way more Gustav Klimp than any kid ever needs). Case in point: This morning, we were treated to 'I Love to Conduct' in which a bald eagle swoops in and steals Leo's baton. Their mission is to get the baton back, and the featured music is Edvard Grieg's Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Morning Mood.

Terrific. Lovely piece of music. Annie actually has decent lyrics to this one. 'We lost our baton, yes, we lost our baton. Have you seen the bald eagle who took our baton?'

However, throughout the rest of the episode, the other movements from the Peer Gynt Suite No. 1 were used, including In the Hall of the Mountain King, Anitra's Dance and The Death of Ase.

Again, fine. Lovely little bits of music.

The problem is that the episode 'Dragon Kite' features In the Hall of the Moutain King and uses all the other movement from the Peer Gynt Suite No. 1. The same thing happens in 'Little Einsteins Halloween.' And the episode 'The Good Knight and the Bad Knight' also uses all the music from the Peer Gynt Suite No. 1.

And it's not just Grieg who gets replayed. Antonio Vivaldi's The Four Seasons: Spring gets double billing in 'The Incredible Shrinking Adventure' and 'O Yes, O Yes, It's Springtime.' Johannes Brahms' Hungarian Dance No. 5 is the centerpiece of both 'The Legend of the Golden Pyramid' and 'Hungarian Hiccups.'

Maybe I'm missing the point here. Maybe the Disney Channel wizzes are consciously using the same pieces of music over and over again so that they really get hammered home into their viewers' little brains. But it seems like the point of the show is to expose kids to lots of different pieces of music, by different composers and in different styles.

So mix it up already, Einsteins!

Here's a confession: My favorite character on all of Playhouse Disney is Lola. She is delightful. I love how imaginative she is (she even has an imaginary friend named Soren Lorenson!),how she speaks with such certainty and authority about everything and how she uses lots of adverbs, like "absolutely, positively."

My favorite Lola episode by far was when she refused to take off her alligator costume.

Despite her big brother's embarassment, she wears it to the grocery store, the playground and in a school presentation. She is so unconcerned with what people think, and she has such wonderful confidence.

Her response is simply, "But I am an alligator, Charlie."

She can be a little difficult, and she gets into trouble sometimes and makes messes, but on the whole, she is wonderful. I hope my Petunia grows up to be just like her!

The new Choo Choo Soul short did not do it for me this morning. Genevieve's rendition of Fly, Birdy, Fly, failed to capture my interest in the way 'Johnny and the Sprites' did when it first broke.


One big problem is that the animation was not very good, although the still on the official Choo Choo website looked promising. I also didn't like having some "live" children in the mix, and I say "live" because they were largely listless.

Let's go back in the studio with this. We either need 100% animated videos, or integrate Genevieve in with only animated elements (that is, get rid of the kids). If the latter, you are going to have to improve production value, so the interaction looks a little better. I got a definite Paula Abdul/Scat Cat 'Opposites Attract' impression, and I think you could build on that.

That said, Petunia seemed to really like it. Although she stared at it a little blankly and didn't get up to dance or do the motions, she became upset when it was over and the 'Little Einsteins' came on.

I need to fully explore my thoughts on the short features. 'Go Baby' ooks me out, particularly the disembodied hand and voice of the adult.

On the subject of Choo Choos, I would also highly recommend Buckwheat Zydeco's Choo Choo Boogaloo album.

While it is uber-cool of The Disney Channel to get masterminds like They Might Be Giants to do theme song work ('Here in Higglytown' being the first offering), the downside is that the songs get STUCK IN MY HEAD.

After watching the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse all the way through just one time, that 'Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggity Dog' song has been playing in my head like a broken reco--wait, is that even a valid reference anymore?--a CD with a bad spot for nearly three days.

Higgly's in Space opens up a bunch of possibilities for new Heroes: Movie Star, Celebutante, Ninja, Vampire Hunter, Alaskan Crab Fisherman, or Al Gore.

So we only caught the end of it this morning because it was a rare 25-minutes-on-one-storyline episode, but having Jane Kaczmarek as an astronaut who saves Fran the squirrel from being trapped on a rocket bound for the moon?

It was a pretty far cry from the garbage man, police dog, grandmother, grocery store clerk, librarian, ambulance driver, etc, who is usually the Higglytown Hero for the day.

Running a little late this morning, so we caught Johnny & the Sprites for the first time in ages. Petunia loves that 'magical place' and especially the singing of John Tartaglia. Too bad it only lasts five minutes!

As I was watching this morning, I realized why it looked familiar to me. Anyone remember Pinwheel? It ran on Nickleodeon for, like, four hours at a time on Saturday mornings. My sister and I were glued in front of it for entire years at a time. It was people and puppets interacting (but in a trippier way than Sesame Street) and a bunch of European shorts.

Anyway, it had these bugs (apparently, they were called hobo bugs?) named Lulu and Herbert

and if you squint really hard, you can see the resemblance to Ginger and Basil.

Except I don't think Pinwheel had any Tony-nominated actors singing and dancing with the puppets. Too bad Johnny & the Sprites isn't on in four-hour blocks; I could really get a lot done around the house with that kind of time!

After another hunger-inducing performance by Bear (not in the Big Blue House) of "Its Breakfast Time," Petunia strongly suggested what she wanted to eat this morning.

By 'strongly' I mean that when I asked her what she would like, she yelled "I want waffles, want yogurt," echoing lyrics from the song.

She walked over to the kitchen cupboard holding our various appliances, and said "get the waffle-maker, Daddy."

Thankfully, instead of starting from scratch on a school/work day (which are a little more hectic), there were a few leftover waffles in the freezer from the weekend (when I had the time to fire up the iron), as well as one strawberry yogurt in the fridge.

Alongside Captain Carlos, Bear has big a influence on her eating habits. While I do not want to assign scruples to a big corporation, at least they haven't introduced branded foods into Breakfast with Bear. Yet, anyway.

"So what are we having this morning, Darla?"
"We're having Lucky Charms, Bear."
"Mmmm, Lucky Charms! I hear they are magically delicious..."

So the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse made its weekday debut this morning at 7:30 am. Which meant the Higglytown Heroes were not on! And they won't be on all week!

What does this mean? Is the Disney Channel completely restructuring its weekday morning lineup? Because we could have some issues here. The 7:30 am time slot is critical for us. It's a post-breakfast, pre-leaving, primetime getting-ready half hour. That's the time when Petunia is parked on our bed, I'm putting on makeup and drying my hair and Basil is getting dressed and brushing his teeth.

Now, I don't have a problem with mixing it up a little. I like the fact that the weekend lineup is different from the weekday lineup. It gives us a chance to watch shows that we miss during the week because of work/school, like The Koala Brothers and Charlie & Lola. But no one - not even Mickey Mouse himself - should take the place of the Higglytown Heroes! We love those little nesting dolls too much. I hope they come back soon.

Clay never gets a day off. That happy little lump of yellow modeling clay works seven mornings a week. Every single day, Clay is bouncing around the Playhouse Disney countertop, introducing shows and shorts.

And well, here in the Valentine household, we rarely take a day off either. The TV in the master bedroom is on The Disney Channel by default. And it ain't for Raven, either.

We're a Playhouse Disney family. Basil and I came for our 2.5 year old daughter, Petunia, but we ended up getting hooked ourselves.

Watch this blog for thoughtful commentaries on Wayne's obsession with toast, a review of the new Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, our secret plot to destroy the Doodlebops and embarassing tales of the way our preschooler internalizes the adventures of the Little Einsteins.